Evan Loves Logan

I took this picture on May 2, 2013.

It has been framed in Evan's room for almost 2 years.  The other day he drew a copy of it for Logan and gave it to him with this note.  "The circle in the middle is supposed to be a heart, Mom."

Then today, Evan decided that we should frame his drawing so that Logan could put it on his dresser.

Such a sweet little guy who loves his little brother!

At Your House

Hi Mom. It’s me. I’m at your house, sitting in the family room, wearing your Kennebunkport pink sweatshirt. I came here because I need to work on my thesis and portfolio and I thought it would be easier to work here without the distractions of the kids and the internet but it’s not. I’m having trouble getting motivated and staying focused, today and lately. It’s not like me but my mind just keeps wandering, thinking of you. I think of all the things I want to tell you and at the same time can’t think of a single thing. What did we talk about for hours and hours? What were those things that were so important that I just had to tell you? None of it seems important now without you. It was just our thing, our time, our chats. I loved sharing everything with you, even the silly little, unimportant things.
 I feel like there are so many things the boys do now that I don’t notice in quite the same way because I don’t have you to tell them to. Maybe I do notice them but I don’t relay them to anyone so I forget them more quickly. I don’t know quite what it is but I do know that no one cares quite the way you did. I can tell other people but it’s just not the same.
I have so many things that I want to do, that I should do, that I need to do and yet I can’t bring myself to do any of it. I know you would be telling me right now to take it easy, not to be so hard on myself, that it will all get done. I just wish I could hear your voice one more time.
I want to be excited about spring coming. Today is a beautiful day…The kind of day where you would sit in the sun in the backyard in a terry-cloth romper and “take a tan”. I want to be excited about you and Dad spending your last few weeks in Florida before coming home for the summer. I want to be excited about all of the pool days that we will have this summer. But it’s all just so hard. I am so thankful for the time that we did have and for the things we were able to do together but I wish so badly for more…more time, more laughs, more smiles, more special moments with you. I love you and miss you so much!

Two Years Ago

Hi Mom!  It's me.  Just checking in.  It's been a little while since I wrote.  I can hear you say "Are you mad at me?" :-)  Not at all...not ever!  I've had a couple of tough days this week, especially Wednesday.  I'm not really sure why but I didn't even want to get out of bed.  I almost skipped boot camp but I didn't and I'm glad that I went (both Wednesday and today).  It is hard to believe that just 2 years ago this week, you and Dad were buying the house at Indian Creek.  I still remember how happy you were when you were talking about it and when we went to see it for the first time.  I'm so glad that you were able to enjoy it there with him for at least one winter.  I wish you guys had decided to buy something sooner but then you wouldn't have bought that house and that one is just perfect!  Right down to the depression glass dishes.
I've been missing you like crazy, feeling overwhelmed with everything and this winter that just won't end.  We finally had a couple of nice days this week and I'm hoping the temps in the 30s are gone for this year.  The boys have been pretty good and super sweet when they know I'm upset or having a tough day.  Evan has been drawing me all sorts of pictures.  The other night when I was putting Logan to bed, this was our conversation:

Me: I love you
Logan: I love you little bit
Me:  What did you say
Logan: I love you, little tiny bit (making a teeny tiny space between his fingers)
Me: I love you, little tiny bit or lots, lots, lots?
Logan: Lots, lots, lots
Me: Who loves you little tiny bit?
Logan: Gramma!
Me: No buddy, Gramma loves you lots, lots, lots!!

It was adorable!  He is just something else.  You should see him dance to Uptown Funk...and sing...It's priceless.

I guess that's it for now.  There so much more that I want to say but I can't seem to find the words right now.  I think about you all the time...wishing for just a bit more time, one more phone call, one more lunch date...one more minute!  I love you!