Dreams Last Night

Hi Mom. Just wanted to let you know that I had a dream about you last night.

We were at the hospital in your room in ICU and you were not hooked up to any machines or medicine. You looked beautiful, peaceful and natural...no make-up, just your natural beauty and your hair was as if you had just dried it, before putting any product in it. You were awake and not really talking much but you had your eyes open and were certainly following and participating in the conversation. I was able to tell you just how much you mean to me, how much I love you and how much I cherish the relationship and friendship that we have. All of these things you know but it was so good to be able to tell you again, one last time and know that you could hear me. You would smile and nod. I knew you weren't afraid and that you knew you weren't alone. We were all there with you, just as you had always been there for us. I hugged you, kissed you and held your hand. You were able to squeeze back ever so gently but it was enough.

I have been having such a hard time because I feel like I didn't get a chance to say goodbye but last night in my dream I was able to, at least a little bit. I miss you so much and I hope to have more dreams where we can talk and you can tell me that you are OK now, that you are able to breathe. I want to know if you can see the boys and all the amazing things they are doing. And if you can keep an eye on Dad from where you are. He's doing pretty good, missing you like crazy, but I still worry about him. I get that from you.

I found this poem the other night and it's so fitting. I hope you like it. I hate that I never really got to say goodbye and to tell you that I love you just one more time. Love you! Talk soon!

Last Fight

© Lorna Ferguson

A face that is always on my mind,

A smile I have seen a million times,

Two eyes that would light up the sky at night,

One last battle you could not fight,

The day was long, then night then morn.

I knew that soon you would be gone,

I clasped your hand so warm in mine,

Soon we would be out of time,

To stay with us you fought so hard, 

A million pieces went my heart,

Now a photo I look at to see your smile,

I keep your number on my speed dial,

A video I watch to hear your voice,

This I do.... I have no choice.,

But great memories I will always keep with me,

Your love in my heart for eternity,

I never got to say goodbye,

To understand why, I can but try,

Waiting in heaven from this moment on,

'Till god asks you to bring me home....